Collin

Dawn & Tom, parents of Collin

Location: CO, USA

E-Mail:  tom_dawngough@prodigy.net

Phone:  970.434.7954

Web:  www.caringbridge.org/co/collinsmiracle

Where accident happened:  Pond

Age at time of accident:  12 months

Date of accident:  June 23, 2001

Therapies tried:

Collin's Story:

We had the night before a wonderful 1st birthday party for Collin.  The very next morning he said "ball" for the first time and we went on with our usual day.
 
We had company over that night,  had finished eating and the guys went in to watch a movie, Collin wanted to go.  No big deal (or so I thought) a little while later I came in to check on things and asked where my baby was...............the horror began,   we had an iron fence around the pond, but the lock had failed, and Collin was able to pull somehow and open it.
 
Tom ran to the pond I went down the hall, I thought he found something in the big kids room.....he wasn't there,  I ran back outside and there was my baby dead on the ground, Tom had started CPR and the ambulance was here almost instantly,  so we had a pulse before we ever reached the hospital. 
 
We are flown to Denver and I didn't care that night if we would have crashed,  but there were others who had families that would not have deserved that.
 
We spent 22 days in Children's in Denver,  first being told he would die,  then if he did live it would be in a perment coma state.  HOW WRONG THEY WERE.  We have made slow and steady progress for more than 3 years.
 
But the life changes have been the biggest adjustment.
 
I do almost everything.  We have no nurse,  I make Collin' s food and do all of his meds,   I have very little respite care,  but we have done as many therapies as we can fit in and this will not stop.
 
But none of this is a walk in the park...I wish I were not here doing this as Collin and I would be going to the park to play and eating Peanut butter and Jelly sandwiches.
 
MY heart will always hurt!!!!!
 
Please know what  we all go through  different and make the BEST choices for each of out angel babies.
 
 
When a person passes we have funerals and such and go through grieving ( that can take many  years)  and we try to go on. we also remember the day of their passing and for many we take flowers or just go spend time at their grave side during that anniversary.
 
With our angel babies it is much different,  we lose them we die too,  the child we get back is no longer the one we had,  we make many changes to take care of them family and friends disappear or think we should just go through the grief and get Happy again.  It does not  work that way.
 
Our lives along with the lives of our children have been turned upside down and in most cases we do almost everything ourselves.  We learn to do things we never thought we would possibly have to do, yet each and everyday we get up and do it.
 
Sometimes the depression pounds us into the ground (This is called chronic depression or maybe even Post traumatic depression),  and we just can't get happy again all the time, but some how we find enough of away out to continue on.  Other times we begin to be a little more at peace and are pounded into the ground by someone else, who has no clue.  When a tragedy like this happens we become different people and thank GOD there are ways to deal with it,  all circumstances are different, so we must each learn.  I praise GOD for the day that I found the people that truly understand. 
 
Maybe if others would look for people in situations like theirs and find friends to talk to they might do better too.
 
I have a great many reasons to go on and I will,  I will also remember the day that my son died and I was given a life that I didn't know existed nor wanted.
 
I will remember that day too.  It is engraved into my memory. Maybe someday I will be happy more of the the time than I am sad but almost 5 years later my heart still hurts.
 
I do not judge or try to understand what others may be going through.  I just try to love and be there to talk or just listen if they need me.
 
We will go on and do the best we can and I think we are already doing that.  People who do not understand should not try to fix it, only be there and never bombard the hurting parents.
 
I also think what we have is chronic grief.   I pray someday there will actually be someone out there that truly understands and can help others to understand this instead of us trying to get them to have a clue.
 
Please contact us privately if you are not ready for the groups,  but the groups were the best connection I have ever had.  What a blessing they have been.  I have so many understanding friends and there is never judgment, just new ideas.
 
Hope and prayers,
Dawn, Collin's mommie